why I love Mark’s job

Because every now and then he has to learn a totally ridiculous song because one of his music students wants to learn to play or sing it. This keeps me incredibly entertained. So you can imagine my DELIGHT when he told me that he just had to learn the music and words to “I Didn’t Steal Your Boyfriend” by Ashlee Simpson for an 11-year-old. Mark likes emo and was not amused. But I was! I freakin’ love it! This song really exists, and that’s really the title! He sent it to me and I LOVE IT. The lyrics are exactly what you’d expect. There’s a line where she goes, all pissy, “Well I’m SORRY that he CALLED me, and that I answered the TELEPHONE.” I’m hoping it’s a part of a pop culture war with Hillary Duff or Lindsay Lohan or Paris Hilton and it better be on the soundtrack for House of Wax: the Sequel. I wish these teen girls would just release albums screaming at each other: “Hey That’s My Popsicle,” “I Totally DID Return Your Shoes, Didn’t You Check Your Closet?”, “Whatever, It’s Not Like You Called Me on MY Birthday.”

Kevin McNotHisRealNamington at work heard me being excited about this and immediately told me it couldn’t be the new song for our Battle of the Snuck-In Lyrics. Like I would’ve even asked.

Fine, I might’ve.

Speaking of, we’re auditioning new songs. I loved the idea of Power of Love by Huey Lewis, but on closer inspection none of the lyrics are really usable…I mean, “don’t need no credit card to ride this train”? Although definite bonus points to anyone who could’ve pulled off, “I really like this report you wrote, Bob. In fact, you might say it’s stronger and harder than a bad girl’s dream.” Can’t Get Enough of Your Love by Barry White was a fun option but it would involve a little more verbal molestation of my colleagues than is typically socially acceptable. Plus you’d give youself away when you had to punctuate the whole thing with a baritone “baby.” I mean, it’s tough to pick just one song that works for all of us, because the world doesn’t move to the beat of just one drum, and what might be right for me may not be right for some.

That was the Different Strokes theme song. I told you I’m good at this game.

Ideas, anyone?

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