Dear Japan, Miso Sorry

For those of you not from the area or not in a baseball state of mind, the Sox just spent the national debt to acquire a young Japanese pitcher named Daisuke Matsuzaka. Although my feelings toward our new friend are not unlike my feelings toward Barack Obama (i.e. “aaand what’s all the hype about, exactly?”), I’m optimistic. Red Sox Nation is always optimistic. And I drew an “07” in the center field sand at Fenway in October so that’s got to count for something.

But guess what? Turns out, surprise surprise, that we’re really just freakin’ tacky. The headline on was “Konichiwa!” Our local sports journalists basically pinched the cheeks of the swarming Japanese media and called them adorable. I just heard one of my favorite radio stations play a soundbite, “Welcome and domo arigato, Daisuke!” Yeah, you could argue that it means thank you, but we all know it’s a Mr. Roboto reference.

I shudder to think of how much “Turning Japanese” we’ll be hearing in the bars come April. And I just heard that they served hot dogs and sushi in the press box dining room. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.


7 Responses to “Dear Japan, Miso Sorry”

  1. 1 stefanie December 14, 2006 at 11:31 pm

    Unlike most of the times you write about sports, I have actually heard about this story! (Yay!) I am disturbed along with you with the direction it’s going, though. Ugh.

  2. 2 Anonymous December 14, 2006 at 11:40 pm

    I’m always in a baseball frame of mind, lol. I’m glad your Sox got him over the Yankees. I’m distressed that my Tigers picked up the retreads from the Evil Empire (Gary Sheffield).

  3. 3 don't call me MA'AM December 15, 2006 at 12:19 am

    I would actually welcome an ad using “Turning Japanese” as long as it wasn’t that damn Dr. Pepper song with the corrupted lyrics about turning 23 or something assinine like that!


    What’s that saying about Americans? We welcome you with open arms, and then we crush you with our over-eager-to-please enthusiasm… kind of like Tommy Boy with his roll at the diner. “You’re my little pet. You’re a naughty pet! You’re naught! Yes, you are.” *squish, smash*

  4. 4 Anonymous December 15, 2006 at 9:10 am

    Perhaps you missed the memo that Obama is the lovechild of Abe Lincoln and Jesus? He’s come to save us all. And “Son of a goat herder!” is my new favorite exclamation.

    Also, you know what they say “turning Japanese” means, right?

  5. 5 Anonymous December 15, 2006 at 9:41 am

    Just wait until silk kimono night at the ballpark.

  6. 6 othurme December 15, 2006 at 1:34 pm

    Look at the bright side. You will now get to see crazed fans dressed in sumo diaper and samurai wigs when you go the ballpark and that’s always funny.

  7. 7 Anonymous December 17, 2006 at 4:49 pm

    OMG, we met him, right?

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