Time Is Not On My Side

I subscribe to Time magazine because I want to read it. I do. But I don’t. I get excited whenever it comes in the mail because it reminds me that I’m not just a girl who dances around her bedroom singing along to Heaven Knows by Donna Summer, I’m a girl who is interested in current events. Who dances around her bedroom singing along to Heaven Knows by Donna Summer.

But apparently I’m not interested in much of anything besides secret disco dancing because my Time issues just pile up. And I stand in line at the supermarket wondering if Glamour has indeed finally unearthed 11 never-before-seen sizzling hot new sex moves to try TONIGHT! (They haven’t. Do you think their writers have a great sense of humor about running the exact same sex article every month, or do they want to kill themselves because their jobs are so fucking dumb?) (Hi Glamour writers! Don’t kill yourselves. You’re wonderful people. Go work for Time!)

Not that I’ll read it. Sigh.

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9 Responses to “Time Is Not On My Side”


  1. 1 stefanie November 2, 2007 at 12:56 am

    I think I have involuntarily decided I just don’t care as much as I thought I did about the news. Join me in the land of ignorance; it’s fun being blissfully unaware.

  2. 2 Rozanne November 2, 2007 at 1:24 am

    Time magazine. This really made me laugh. I actually subscribed to it in high school in some kind of fit of overachieving’s zeal. Yeah, I was totally going to be up on current events! I was going to blow all my classmates out of the water with my knowledge of what was going on outside of the United States! But, of course, I got way behind and even when I did read them, I tended to go immediately to the “People” page and just read that. Nowadays I think most of the magazine is devoted to fluff, so you probably don’t need to feel bad about not reading it.

  3. 3 Jess November 2, 2007 at 9:36 am

    We subscribe to Time and Torsten reads it every week. Then he tells me the “news” he’s learning about and it’s all stuff that I read online several days earlier. That’s the problem with a weekly news magazine.

    Also, I like Glamour. I always think of Cosmo as the one that has the same exact content with slightly different headlines each month. But I skip those stupid sex articles in all of those magazines anyway, so maybe that’s why I wasn’t aware.

  4. 4 Sphincter November 2, 2007 at 1:34 pm

    I have cancelled all my magazine subscriptions. If I REALLY need to read them, I get them from the library. Or the dentist. Because if not, they pile up, mocking me, stressing me out–until finally, they take over the furniture.

  5. 5 Kate November 2, 2007 at 2:04 pm

    Time magazine is wonderful, but then again, you can’t go wrong with any Time Inc. publication! Wonderful wonderful Time Inc.

  6. 6 Molly November 2, 2007 at 4:47 pm

    I have stacks of half read Newsweek lying about at my place…I always start, mark my spot and swear I am going to finish when I get a minute and then another one arrives…I figure “might as well start the new one instead…” and the cycle continues

  7. 7 nancypearlwannabe November 4, 2007 at 11:00 am

    I get about 30 different magazines in my library and the only ones I find myself flipping through are Girl’s Life and Jane. Hello, most shallow librarian ever.

  8. 8 yeahsoanyway November 4, 2007 at 7:05 pm

    Stefanie, you’re onto something! I think I’ve been there living in that land awhile, but I’m just now accepting it.

    Rozanne, yeah, really, I heard they once quoted Fergie in it. What could that butter face have to say that would be relevant about the state of the world?

    Jess, hmm, maybe Cosmo is the one with the more ridiculous headlines. Okay, Glamour’s off the hook.

    Sphincter, totally! Also, best name ever.

    Kate, if only they kept their employees employed.

    Molly, totally! Also, the editor of Newsweek spoke at my college graduation. I sat there thinking, really? But who reads that?

    Nancy, my kind of librarian! Do you have back issues of Sassy?!

  9. 9 Killer November 5, 2007 at 10:12 am

    I had a Time subscription for a long time, but was too proud to cancel. I would read only the first two or three pages every couple of months.

    Never buy one of those five year subscriptions…that’s a lot of dead trees.


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