I Realize That This Post Makes Me The Girliest Girly Girl On The Planet, But Rest Assured That Because Of That I Now Hate Myself A Little, Just On Principle

I watched the Sex in the City girls on Oprah while on the precor at my women-only gym today. The only way I could’ve been more entrenched with estrogen would’ve been if I was simultaneously eating a giant chocolate Easter bunny and crying into my cell phone to a girlfriend about how he’s never going to leave her, is he?

Okay, I can pull off the snarky thing for exactly two seconds before I have to admit that I am ridiculously excited for the movie. Although, after watching the big O today, probably not for the reasons the people involved with it seem to think. Honestly, it’s sort of hilarious to see the girls (who look fantastic for 70) gushing over the writer and director’s atom-splitting level of talent. He seems like a cool guy, and his endeavor was certainly a cash cow, but it’s not exactly art, ladies. I mean, it is what it is, and it’s totally enjoyable, but they were discussing it like it was a fine wine and not a shot of tequila in a hotel bathroom water glass. It took place as recently as the late 90s and the reruns already seem not only dated but undeniably campy. Just call a spade a spade, Stanford Blatch. It’s a one-dimensional soap opera and we all love it, although we can’t exactly explain why. In real life no one could ever imagine stomaching anyone but Miranda anyway. Well, of course, there’s always room for Dr. Robert Leeds.

All right, since I’m already wading in the pool of absurdity, let’s just have a fucking swim, shall we? I don’t want Carrie to end up with Big because of self-respect yada yada, but at the end of the day, some people are just made for each other. I realized that when she yelled at him “If you’re tired, you TAKE a nap-a, you don’t MOVE to Napa!” and he gave that horrific line a fond little chuckle. You two deserve each other! I’ll be screaming that into my popcorn as the 16-year-old movie theater employees drag me out, flailing and covered in fake butter.

There is one tiny little detail that I would’ve liked to have seen added to the movie. Imagine some random scene (with, say, Charlotte obsessing about whether or not the milk that she’s buying for her toddler daughter is organic enough, and Samantha lowers her sunglasses to survey a homeless man and purrs transgenderedly “I’d like to organic HIS milk”). In the background, Aleksandr Petrovsky (“It’s not Alex-ander, it’s Alec-ZANDER”) wanders by, with the same preoccupied, million-miles-away look of every other city dweller, and is swiftly and unceremoniously decapitated by some New York construction project gone awry.

Too violent? Ahh, never mind, pour me another Flirtini.

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9 Responses to “I Realize That This Post Makes Me The Girliest Girly Girl On The Planet, But Rest Assured That Because Of That I Now Hate Myself A Little, Just On Principle”


  1. 1 Stefanie May 2, 2008 at 9:11 am

    I just realized I never actually saw the last two seasons of Sex & the City. Guess I better rent those quick before I inevitably see the movie.

    And you’re so right. That Napa line was one of the worst lines that show ever gave us (and there were plenty of bad lines to pick from).

  2. 2 Dutchess of Kickball May 2, 2008 at 9:58 am

    I’m a little worried about the movie. I really liked how the show ended, it was the perfect closure, I’m scared that something that will happen in the movie will ruin that for me, but I am still impatiently awaiting the movie.

  3. 3 DanceintheRain May 2, 2008 at 10:10 am

    I hated Petrovsky and would love it if he were decapitated.

  4. 4 Alicia May 2, 2008 at 10:40 am

    Oh, me too. I used to have a small crush on Mikhail but Petrovsky ruined all that very quickly. I love that they’re talking about the movie like it’s art when we all know it’s cotton candy. Which is awesome but still…

  5. 5 Tolee May 2, 2008 at 2:22 pm

    Oprah (or as I call her: the Anti-Christ) must have been thrilled to have all those fellow white women as guests on her show. I am also thoroughly convinced that you should have written the script for this movie.

  6. 6 courtney May 3, 2008 at 10:49 am

    Oh, this made me laugh out loud. SATC is soooo campy, but the girly girl in me loved it. You’re right — the show isn’t high art, it’s pure guilty pleasure.

    My favorite bad line was from when Miranda had a crush on the guy in the sandwich costume and Carrie said, “That is one fresh sandwich.”

  7. 7 Kate May 3, 2008 at 11:32 am

    Wow, that first graph was like a Yoplait ad come to life. “It’s like working out on the precor while watching the SATC girls on Oprah good!”

    I’ll always have a soft spot for SATC because it spawned one of my favorite SNL skits evah. The one where Christina Agulia…whatever… was hosting and she, as Samantha, goes “By the way, I’m a dude.” Awesome. And Maya Rudolph as Charlotte kept going “yay, puns!”

    I’ve written way too much here and embarrassed myself.

  8. 8 Red May 4, 2008 at 3:21 pm

    Stefanie, right?! And how have you not seen them? Actually, if I’d known I would’ve given you my entire DVD series collection when I saw you a few weeks ago. That way you could catch up and I’d run no risk of popping one in (that I’ve already seen 9,000 times, of course) and then losing four hours of my life.

    Dutchess, yup, I hear ya.

    Danceintherain, glad I’m not alone!

    Alicia, I know, it’s so funny. It’s like the people that work/worked on the movie don’t talk to the fans, or the fans just BS them when they meet them in real life, which is I’m sure what I’d do…

    Tolee, hee, I’m sure I could’ve, and it would’ve been indistinguishable from the shows. That’s more a testament of how formulaic they are and how many times I’ve watched the episodes, though.

    Courtney, hahaha I remember that. The only time Carrie made me laugh was “Miranda went out with an overeater and he overate her.”

    Kate, haha, I loved that. Actually I remember you quoted that the first time I met you and I knew I loved you.

  9. 9 Lara May 13, 2008 at 10:37 am

    Oh my god, i think I might need to go to Minneapolis to watch the last couple seasons with Stef b/c I missed them as well.

    Just last night, the preview for the movie came on and Rob said “UGH, that looks HORRIBLE” precisely as I said “Oh, I can’t wait to see that!”. Ha.


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