I Decidedly Did NOT “Have It My Way” At Burger King

I usually drive when I go to New York, and NOW I KNOW WHY.

This weekend I decided to give the Chinatown bus a shot. At $30 roundtrip, the price was right. The idea of not having to remain conscious for the trip, pay for gas, or deal with parking was definitely appealing as well. Yes, they overbooked and I had to take a later bus than I had planned for, but the conversation that I had with an adorable third grader while in line pretty much made up for it. (You can’t not love someone who says, a minute after meeting you, “I have a High School Musical 2 sticker book. Do you want to see it?”)

Everything was mostly fine until we stopped at a Burger King in Connecticut for a bathroom break. I was walking back out to the bus when I saw it pulling away. The. Bus. Was. Pulling. AWAY.

My immediate solution to this problem was to point at the driver and say, “What? No!” This may be why I wasn’t cast in Speed. (“There’s a bomb on the bus! You need to keep it above fifty!” “What? No!”)

Then several other passengers came out behind me and said similar things in various languages. The driver noticed us and kind of waved us away, as if to say, “WHAT? Don’t bother me.” Then he started backing up, and it became clear that he had just been moving the bus. But, seriously? Would it have killed you to tell us ahead of time that you might need to drive aimlessly around the parking lot? When you move the bus, every single passenger thinks you’re stranding them at a Burger King in another state, and there is no one for whom that isn’t a terrifying situation. The plastic-faced king is scary enough. And I still don’t understand what chicken fries are!

And I know it’s probably just icing on the mentally unstable cake that we’re baking here, but since I was a kid I’ve actually had a recurring dream about missing a bus. It’s usually a school bus, and I have no idea why I periodically dream about it, but the fact remains. Now, nobody’s asking the bus driver to delve into my subconscious here, but I’m just saying, that little stunt in the Burger King parking lot is not exactly going to help me sleep well at night.

Aside from that, the rest of the trip was great: Friends (including Kate, who – plug! – has a hilarious new blog, as well as a dear blogfriend that you all know and love, DarrenMcITriedToConvinceHimToBlogAgain), dinner in Little Italy, homemade guac and blue margaritas in the West Village, ridiculously perfect weather, and the indisputable reality that New York is way too cool for me. And that I may never see a fast food place without having abandonment issues again.


8 Responses to “I Decidedly Did NOT “Have It My Way” At Burger King”

  1. 1 Stefanie May 27, 2008 at 8:24 am

    That’s Kate’s blog? I had no idea! I’ve been enjoying “Reasons why I dumped you” for a few weeks now!

    Also, I have heard of chicken rings, but chicken fries are new to me. Is Burger King really taking a cue from White Castle?? I can’t imagine that’s a smart way to go…

  2. 2 Kate May 27, 2008 at 9:12 am

    Holla-vention! Share your dating woes, dear Tent readers!

  3. 3 Red May 27, 2008 at 9:56 am

    Ahem. Dating you may know, but that was a flagrant misuse of hollavention. Which, ironically enough, calls for a hollavention.

  4. 4 Keanu May 27, 2008 at 10:44 am

    All I have to say is that there is no way you could have been any worse than me in that movie.

  5. 5 Katie May 27, 2008 at 11:12 am

    Um yeah, I took the $30 chinatown Boston-NYC bus about a year ago. It definitely took off and stranded my best friend and I in a grocery store somewhere in the middle of connecticut at 11:30 at night. With all our shopping bags still on it. Luckily, after about 40 panicked minutes another one rolled in behind it and the driver just waved us on when we explained and went around the back to light up. When we got back to the station there was a pile of crap sitting next to the kiosk,including our bags. Which leads me to believe that it happens all the time…scared me out of taking it again.

  6. 6 Alicia May 27, 2008 at 1:20 pm

    Try the boltbus next time. It’s brand new and supposed to be much nicer and much less sketchy.

  7. 7 Juliana May 27, 2008 at 2:07 pm

    Ahh, the chinatown bus. I remember those days. I’m from NYC and took the chinatown bus back and forth during college for FOUR YEARS. When i look back, i’m not sure if i should laugh or cry.. it was so incredibly annoying to sit there in such small spaces (i swear, they must have removed all those seats and reinstalled them closer together to add space for more seats in the back.. just sayin) and then after a break at McDonalds or Roy Rogers (it’s usually the drivers’ fast food chain of choice) someone would tear open a bag of fries and the whole damn bus would smell of fast food. i’m also surprised at the prices… they used to be $15 one-way/$20 roundtrip!

  8. 8 Anna May 27, 2008 at 4:38 pm

    Ooh, I miss Darren’s blog! Do you think you had any success with that?

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