Open Letter To Neil Diamond

Hey buddy!

First of all, I have to say, I’m a fan of your work. A undeniable F-A-N. You’re all over my iPod. Granted, no one likes shit music more than me, but please don’t let that bother you. I’m happy to say that I defend you, often with cocktail in hand, to anyone who mocks my musical taste. Which is basically everyone I know, but I digress.

I think Hello Again is hysterically funny (was it meant to be? sorry), I secretly like Love On The Rocks, I literally am Forever in Blue Jeans, and of course I’m a Sox fan, so thanks a bunch for Sweet Caroline. When I was a little I would always cry when I heard Heartlight (remember, the song from ET? Wait, of course you do). My family mocks me about that to this day. Thankfully I got over that inexplicably emotional reaction. Just please don’t play it because ohmygoditssosad.

Having said all that, there’s an issue that has been gnawing at me for some time, so I’m just going to put it on the table. I hear your song “America” played in the background of any remotely patriotic event, such as Fourth of July festivities and presidential campaigns. On the surface it seems only fitting for such situations. But here’s what: It’s totally about terrorists and illegal immigrants. The jig is up, Diamond.

Not only is that what it’s about, but it contains the ominous warning (over and over and over) that the aforementioned terrorists and illegal immigrants are coming to America TODAY. Dude, you might as well scream “You can run but you can’t hide, stupid Americans” or “Enjoy your last meal at Burger King, you fat video gaming nation.” Why the hate disguised as patriotism? Or are you laughing all the way to the bank (presumably this song still makes money for you) at our collective inability to listen too closely to song lyrics?

Other than that, keep up the good work and questionable grammar (ahem, Song Sung Blue and I Am I Said).

Sincerely,

Red

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5 Responses to “Open Letter To Neil Diamond”


  1. 1 paisley July 11, 2008 at 12:36 pm

    I saw Neil Diamond in concert and it was such a rockin’ cheesy hilarious time. I also fell asleep towards the middle. eek. I think it was the old vibes that affected me.

    🙂

  2. 2 S July 11, 2008 at 5:22 pm

    omg… this entire blog reminds me of our little neil diamond medley at fenway a few weeks back. you have to admit, I do a mean version of “america”… my country tis of thee (today!) sweet land of liberty (today!) of thee I sing (today!) OF THEE I SING (today!)…

    don’t want to get you excited… but we may have an extra neil ticket at fenway next month… I’d let you sit next to bill. (today!)

  3. 3 Libragirl July 11, 2008 at 8:52 pm

    I totally heart ND I have him on my ipod and blast it whenever he’s on. Everyone sings along.

  4. 4 Red July 13, 2008 at 11:08 pm

    Paisley, I’m jealous!

    S, I want that ticket! I want to pump my fist in the air at every “today!” And you know I’d make a fab date for Billy H.

    Libragirl, right? Totes, as one of my best friends always says…what’s up, Kate? No comment? I mean, hi. How’s Miss Universe?

  5. 5 kate July 15, 2008 at 8:22 am

    This post was totes hilar!


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