We’re Never Gonna Survive Unless

I was in line today at the post office (mailing a ten day late birthday gift to a friend. I’m sorry! I love you!) and a crazy person a person with limited mental faculties came in. I stood in line wondering what kind of domino effect gets you to that point. I bet there isn’t one mother burping her bundle of joy and thinking, “Someday my baby is going to wander around a post office talking to the wall, I just KNOW it.” At one point these people had parents and spouses and jobs and hair appointments and pointy toed boots. Right? I mean, shy of Wellbutrin and a bad morning, there may not be all that much of a difference between she and I.

Well, I can tell you the major difference right now: The basket on wheels. Why do all crazy people have baskets on wheels? Are they automatically issued to you after your breakdown? Do people initially resist them? “NO! I KNOW WHAT THE BASKET ON WHEELS MEANS! YOU’LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!”

Or maybe, by that point, as Jim Gaffigan would say, it’s more like, “Hey, a basket on wheels. At least I’m an orange.”

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4 Responses to “We’re Never Gonna Survive Unless”


  1. 1 Matty September 22, 2008 at 3:26 pm

    I am pretty confident that the basket on wheels is issued to all elderly persons upon signing up for AARP and all crazy persons upon escape from any hospital or mental health facility. Put yourself in their orthopedic or paper shoes, though: If you were old and/or crazy, wouldn’t you want to have the world’s most affordable mobile home?

  2. 2 Kate September 23, 2008 at 12:59 pm

    But the gift was so worth the wait! Baby-sitters Club forever!

  3. 3 kris September 30, 2008 at 4:33 pm

    THE BASKET ON WHEELS IS WHERE WE SHOULD KEEP PUT ALL OUR CASH MONEY BEFORE THE MARKET GOES CRASHES!

    no?

  4. 4 Craig November 7, 2008 at 1:28 pm

    My mother-in-law has a basket on wheels. Well, sort of a combination walker/basket on wheels. Anyway, it doesn’t hurt your argument any.


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