I Guess I Could Talk About Things Other Than Facebook. But, Um, Why The Crap Would I Want To?

When the social networking shebang started happening (which was probably long before I finally got on the bandwagon, raging hipster that I am), I remember saying to a friend of a friend that however mindless it may be, there’s no going back. Once you start getting random messages from the randomest of random people who you knew lives ago, it somehow becomes endlessly entertaining. He said something along the lines of, “Yeah, but what happens is that you get a message from someone you knew in fourth grade and you both say, ‘I can’t believe it! How are you?’ and then you just fester on each other’s friend lists and never talk again. It’s not a real life thing.” So true.

Now that we’re all so well-versed in the aforementioned randomest of random people finding us, it’s become sort of routine. I forget that there was ever a time when I didn’t know that my former camp counselor is on his way to the gym, my childhood friend just went to the bank, and the wife of a guy that I knew in college and never really liked has a headache. And then, of course, there’s the mind-numbing realization that you’ve been tagged in your seventh grade class picture (THERE ARE PICTURES OF YOU FROM MIDDLE SCHOOL ON THE INTERNET! AND EVERYONE WHO KNOWS YOU CAN SEE THEM!) but other than that, I think it’s kind of nice to make those little connections here and there.

Still, I’ve always remembered what that guy said to me a few years ago, so I’m not sure what I was thinking when this next situation happened. Let’s start by blaming my mom, who randomly googled the girl who used to live in our old house before us, who I wasn’t even really friends with, and then sent me the link to her Facebook page asking if it could be her. Now that we live in a world where shit like this is somehow normal, I of course friended her and she wrote back right away, the usual “I can’t believe it! How are you?” She moved to Florida after the fifth grade and it’s safe to say that I haven’t seen, talked to, or thought of her for even the most fleeting of moments since, except maybe when I found a dirty love letter to her mom written by some guy that had fallen behind a bureau in our house. So anyway, when she mentioned that she’d be visiting family in our old hometown this week, I made the next logical comment and said that we should get together for lunch.

What? I mean, WHAT? As soon as I hit send, I looked down at the keyboard, at my own fingers, as though they’d betrayed me. Now, there’s not a thing wrong with this girl (uh, woman, grown woman), and I’m sure it’ll be perfectly lovely to catch up with her…but it’s not like I’ve seen her after our ages were in the double digits. It’s not even like we were friends. It’s not even like I’D RECOGNIZE HER ON THE STREET. What will our catch up conversation sound like? “So, how was middle school? Did you totally get your period and stuff? Yeah, I was really into New Kids On The Block too. Did you have the big button with Joey’s face on it? No? Oh, I did. Yeah, really. I would’ve let you touch it.”

Naturally, she wrote back saying lunch would be great, probably wary that I’m about to recruit her into a cult or ask her to mother a child with me. Too bad I’m not doing that new-thing-every-day resolution anymore, because lunch with a freakin’ stranger could definitely count.

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7 Responses to “I Guess I Could Talk About Things Other Than Facebook. But, Um, Why The Crap Would I Want To?”


  1. 1 claire December 29, 2008 at 4:55 pm

    You’re out of control; you have to stop yourself. Soon you’ll be Friending your 2nd grade gym teacher or the high school cafeteria lady.

    Says the girl who friended her friend’s friend’s father because of that one day i met him at his daughter’s college graduation.

    Facebook is a weird, weird place.

  2. 2 S December 29, 2008 at 7:15 pm

    Soooooo sooooo many things to say about Facebook…

    Here’s my personal HS rule… If we never talked in HS, your friend request gets ignored (even if you send it a second time)… if I didn’t like you, ignored… If we were friends but now are not, ehhhhh… if you had no friends back then, I’ll accept you just cuz I feel bad.

    AND, what’s the deal with snowballs? I have a friend who has hit me at least 5-10 times now. The first time was cute, the second time kinda hurt, and #3 started to piss me off. I had to do something about this, so last night I chest bumped him. Yeah, that’s right bitches! I also went camping with some friends and maybe drank some eggnog, and for a moment it all felt real.

    The best part of facebook is other people’s drama (ya know, cuz sometimes it just makes you feel more normal). I found out about a friend’s divorce THROUGH facebook because she changed her relationship status to “its complicated” or something. Or when ex-lovers have dueling status updates. This is the shit I live for.

    And last… not related to facebook… don’t forget about our date in 2009. I’ll send you a reminder on your wall, maybe even mention it in a status update. Oh, and if you need to reach me send me an email to sarah at eatme dot net.

    OMG… someone just commented on my status!! Gotta go!! So excited!!

    (and p.s. sorry for throwing up all over your blog)

  3. 3 Red December 29, 2008 at 7:51 pm

    Claire, you are so right…also, checking out your blog shortly…thanks for your comment!

    S, how I love you…can’t wait to see you!

  4. 4 Sarah December 30, 2008 at 11:49 am

    How did we ever survive without Facebook? I can’t even imagine how boring my work days would be if I didn’t see all the drama unfolding with people I don’t ever want to see in person.

  5. 5 Stefanie December 31, 2008 at 1:13 am

    OK, that second paragraph? SO totally sums up many of my thoughts about Facebook. Here’s to hoping those last couple paragraphs don’t resonate for me any time soon.

  6. 6 Red January 2, 2009 at 12:55 am

    Sarah, right??

    Stefanie, ugh, the awkward lunch is Friday. Details to follow.


  1. 1 Postmortem on The Awkwardest Roll-Buttering Experience Of My Life « the cupcake tent Trackback on January 11, 2009 at 3:47 pm

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