Your Name Here!

I received this email the other day:

Hello Webmaster,
I am [Just Trying To Pay The Bills], Marketing Representative and interested in sponsoring your blog and I am contacting you to ask if you are interested in blog post sponsorship. Please let me know if you have any further questions regarding pricing, guidelines and processes and kindly add my email address to your email address book to make sure your spam filter does not discard any important messages.
Yours truly,
[Don’t Judge Me, I Have Kids To Feed]

Oh cool! Blog sponsor! Isn’t that the kind of thing that enables you to quit your job and let your online ramblings pay your mortgage? Or something? Sign this Webmaster up, bitches.

As a general rule, I should probably know better than to respond to someone who has to assure me that she’s not spam (man, it’d be nice if more people came with that warning, though, huh?). But I responded to her to find out the situation. She wrote me back to tell me that my mission, should I choose to accept it, is to write a 150 word blog post about the company that she works for, or is being held against her will by, it wasn’t clear. I have two days to write said blog post after I receive the assignment (which I assume from the tone of her email must self-destruct after those 48 hours), I’m not to write anything hateful or rude, and whatever you do, sucka, do NOT mention that your opinions are now bankrolled.

Yeah. Because anyone who knows me will think it’s perfectly natural that I’m suddenly writing a 150 word blog post extolling the virtues of an online casino website given the fact that I only ever went to Mohegan Sun to see Earth Wind and Fire. Moreover, I can’t believe a company like that actually has staff working for it, real live people who have names and write emails. I mean, is there a storefront? I thought websites like that were just vaporous entities with pop up windows with those fake Xs that make you accidentally open more pop up windows which is really just the ultimate internet black hole mindfuck. I would’ve just deleted the emails and moved on had I not seen the best part: For the pleasure of doing business with me, they’re happy to pay me…oh the suspense…five dollars. Five AMERICAN dollars. Now that’s what I call putting five on Red.

I wrote her back and told her that the economy isn’t quite that bad yet. But if I ever start spouting off about how act now sign up for your free trial to win big retire young and rich you may already be a winner just sign here and THREE CHERRIES YOU WIN, you’ll understand, right?

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3 Responses to “Your Name Here!”


  1. 1 3carnations February 24, 2009 at 8:53 am

    I don’t know, but I find it kind of cool that she sought you out…Especially since you haven’t posted for a month! 🙂

  2. 2 Jess February 24, 2009 at 2:52 pm

    I’ve gotten quite a few emails like this. Sidebar ads I’m willing to consider, but sponsored content? Especially when you aren’t allowed to SAY that it’s sponsored? I’m not so sure.

  3. 3 Kate February 25, 2009 at 3:29 pm

    Send her my way. It’s an expensive city, I have no morals and nobody wants to pay me for a lapdance.


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